Pretty Little Widow | Shelley Jinks Johnson

“Pretty Little Widow” is a collection of poetry detailing a journey through the rollercoaster of emotions during early grief. Raw as an exposed nerve, brutal as the ripping away of one’s own sense of self, and vulnerable as a desperate soul begging to be seen and loved. With each poem I move from sadness to anger to bitterness to the sweetest memories of love that keep me moving forward until I can see the sunrise that will carry me into a new day. And begin the cycle all over again.

In April 2018 my husband of 14 years (at the time) was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme, grade 4- the most aggressive form of terminal brain cancer. Our life together as we had known it was upended. A coma, ICU bed, brain surgery, and hospital clockworks became our new normal in an instant. One-hour neuro checks gave way to physical, occupational, and speech therapies which then in turn gave way to daily radiation treatments and toxic chemotherapy pills.
All for … nothing. Not even time.
My husband died 18 months and 4 days from discovering his brain tumor. Fifteen years, 7 months, and 5 days from the day we said “I do.”
There are moments in life that become demarcation lines, defining Before and After. Of all those I could pinpoint in my own life, this one is the biggest and most formative. The moment when everything else fell away, and I had to grapple with what was left. Of life. Of myself. Of anything that could possibly matter in the wake of such devastating loss.
So began my journey with grief and my attempts to face it, feel it, learn from it, live with it, and survive it